Fathers Find Friendship and Family in Shelter Support Group

“This is a shelter,” Richard Williams said, dodging a gooey, red substance spilled across the floor. “This is a shelter,” he said again, louder this time, pointing at trash scattered under tables, left over from the dinner rush. “Look at it,” he said, arms outstretched, embracing the dark, cavernous cafeteria. “This is a shelter.”

Williams’ voice echoed through The Boulevard Family Transitional Residence, a shelter for homeless families in Elmhurst, Queens, where Williams and his three boys, aged 8, 14 and 21, have lived since last year. His two younger children both attend school, and his oldest son is working on his GED. As Williams pointed out, this is a shelter, not a home. And as far as this single father is concerned, it is no place to raise his boys. That is why he is doing everything he can to get himself and his children out.

“I was really, really angry when I got here,” Williams said, recalling his first night at The Boulevard. Williams has never lived in a shelter before and had lived his last home for 25 years until he was evicted for being behind on rent due to complications with his City Family Eviction Prevention Supplement. “We sat up in the room,” he said. “I asked them, ‘Do you trust me? Don’t worry. We’re going to get out of this.’”

Williams is working on getting out of the shelter and into an apartment of his own with the help of the Fatherhood Initiative, a support group for fathers at The Boulevard. The group is comprised of about 20 members and meets formally once a week to discuss and debate everything from parenting tips to leads on jobs. Lately, the focus of many of the discussions has been finding permanent housing.

According to Williams and fellow group member Simeon Trigueño Jr., the purpose of the Fatherhood Initiative is not to tell men how to be fathers. Their goal is to establish a community: a safe space where fathers can talk about the challenges they face and work through them together.

“I consider this a learning experience,” Williams said of his time in the shelter. “I never want to come back.”

Trigueño, who lives in the shelter with one of his sons and his wife, agrees. Reflection has been a big part of his time at the shelter as well.

“It’s quiet…a moment of clarity,” Trigueño said of the Elmhurst neighborhood. “You can think a little clearer.” Since arriving at the shelter, his life has felt “scattered out.”

“God has been, slowly but surely, bringing it back together,” Trigueño said.

“We think about the single moms, but we never think about what the dads are going through,” said Jessica Alvarado, a senior case manager at The Boulevard. She has served as a staff facilitator for the Fatherhood Initiative since the program started with only two fathers last December. “The dads are so passionate,” Alvarado said. “The ones that stay are really in need of that support system. We provide the space and the time for them.”

According to Alvarado, similar fatherhood support programs exist throughout the New York City shelter system as part of the NYC DADS program, a multi-agency initiative launched by former Mayor Michael Bloomberg in 2010. The program at The Boulevard is unique because it runs without interruption year round. That means the men have consistent access to support and encouragement as they work to get themselves and their families out of the shelter and into their own homes.

In her role as the program’s facilitator, Alvarado helps the fathers choose discussion topics for the meetings and plans workshops. She recently coordinated a workshop on domestic violence and spousal abuse that was attended by about 20 couples at the shelter. She is currently planning a program geared toward younger men in the shelter to teach them skills to help them find jobs.

“One of the fathers, who just moved out, he didn’t know how to tie a neck tie,” Alvarado said. “It’s something so basic to us.” She is hoping to find an organization to donate neck ties and suits to the group.

“The system is geared towards women,” Alvarado said of the shelter system in place to support the city’s homeless population. As a result, she has found that it is challenging to develop resources that encourage and acknowledge the effort men are making to stay in their family’s lives.

“I want to have them see me leading by example, not just running my mouth,” Williams said. He plans to do this by getting his family out of the shelter and into a home of their own. Williams monitors a handful of real estate apps on his phone and receives daily e-mail updates on apartment listings, in addition to those provided to him by case workers at The Boulevard. He is struggling to find an apartment that is safe, affordable and in good condition, and is leaning on the group for support.

Trigueño, has turned to the group for job advice. He recently started working for the New York City Parks Department, and found support in Theodore Jones Jr., who at 55 is the group’s eldest member. Jones lives in the shelter with his wife and 4-year-old child. Jones helped him find the job and gave him some pointers before his first day. Trigueño said he felt more confident accepting the position because he had Jones in his corner.

“We became friends,” Jones said.

But Williams was quick to interrupt him.

“Family,” he said.

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